i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
