dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
