Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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