if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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