Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
