Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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