Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
