Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
