Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Alive.
So much puke
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
