Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
