i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
