Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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