Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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