why didn't you poke me back
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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