I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i love accidental penises.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
