it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Text me some of your sweat
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