Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
