just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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