Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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