She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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