she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
