its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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