My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
