yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
