Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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