My room smells like vodka and shame
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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