mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
