Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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