FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
