How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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