I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone get that fucking seahorse.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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