I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
In America we eat man semen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
