brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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