i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
