YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How's work?
Spinning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
