I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
