Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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