Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
