she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
