YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
