I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
