Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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