There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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