Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
