I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
