When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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