barbara walters just said penis...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
