i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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