just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
