look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
