I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I could fuck to npr.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
