The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
