i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
