mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
