Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
