How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
